I had my first encounter with pornography when I was 15, it wasn’t till I was 22 that I finally found freedom from it.

Fair warning I’m writing this in reverse order, which isn’t my normal writing style, but it gets to the points quickly, and depending on where other readers are in their journey with pornography and sexual addictions, this is an incremental progression in reverse order...

The past few weeks in Bible Study Fellowship (BSF) we’ve been hitting points about Christian living and Paul in Romans reminds us that the new testament is not about a list of rules to keep that is, don’t do this or don’t do that (negative commands), but rather it is about do this, and do that (positive commands), specifically, love others, and to love God. When commands are in the negative, in this case, do not commit adultery, or as Christ expounds in the beatitudes, even looking at a woman with lust in your eyes you have committed adultery with her in your heart, negative commands focus on yourself, on the sin, on your power; it fails to address basic addiction recovery 101 which is to fill the negative action with positive action. Idle time is the devil’s playground, especially when it comes to pornography. It’s much more effective as I can attest to, to focus on filling pornography with other things, be it reading your Bible, exercising, a productive hobby (computers or photography anyone?), a good book, going out with good friends, etc, then “just avoiding” it. Now, there are times you just have to abstain, pure and simple, but, rather than just focusing on abstaining alone, it’s just as important, or more important, to focus on Christ and things above, instead of avoiding things below. The order in which James instructs us, to submit to God, and then resist the devil, and he will flee is important here. Resisting the devil, without first submitting to God is fruitless. Likewise, it’s important to begin filling pornography with other things, before/while resisting it to succeed (IMO).

Rewind (or fast forward a bit), when you get married the battle doesn’t end as you may have heard... There are times when your wife, (or husband) isn’t in the mood due to fatigue, stress, or being otherwise overcome by events, where it’s been a week, 2 weeks or longer and those dry spells are getting rough; those times alone, be it in the shower, or the off chance you’re alone (rare for me), you just have to say no, you have to pickup a good book in that hotel room, you have to find your relatives and have dinner with them on that business trip that brings you in their neighborhood, you have to repeat to yourself scriptures either out loud or mentally in the shower and sometimes loose some sleep because your body chooses to relieve itself with a nocturnal emission because it’s been too long. It can be done, I’ve done it the past 8 years I’ve been married and can honestly attest I’ve never chosen to look at pornography, or masturbated during my entire marriage thus far (as of the time of this writing), or had any kind of extramarital affair. That said, there’s been some real nail-biter times like the last month of pregnancy or right after childbirth in particular so even for those committed and experienced in the fight, it’s not easy, and truth told, I’m still human, even David got brought down, I’m still but a man, but a faithful one thus far.

A little over 2 years ago, the winter of 2015, I’m not sure what exactly happened, out of seeming nowhere I had intense temptation via flashbacks of video games and pornography, (video games being the other giant I’ve had to contend with) which I asked my then BSF leader if he’d be willing to be my accountability partner, he accepted. He followed up with me regularly for the next 3 months during the stent which helped keep me grounded, this is on top of my wife being my (ongoing) accountability partner, but, it really does help with matters like these to have a fellow brother to talk to about guy stuff, to be blunt, as it’s not wise to share every thought that goes through your mind with your wife.

Further back, when I met my wife at 22, the first month of dating I knew things were serious, but still pornography had a hold on me. Her church (not yet my church at the time) had a series on “the elephant in the room” which is pornography; the first service I attended was the first in that series, quite fitting. I connected after the first service with the mens ministry pastor and discussed where I was and he pledged to connect me with some accountability. Let me say, I can’t even remember that gentlemen’s name today, but, I would not have been able to overcome pornography without him being my accountability partner; those early mornings meeting at Dennis, were utterly vital to overcoming the addiction. Sexual sin thrives in darkness, bringing it into light  is absolutely essential. Trust me there were many times I thought to myself, or the enemy would lie to me and say, you can do this without accountability. I can whole heartedly attest I couldn’t. The wisdom of 2 being stronger than 1 holds true, and a 3 strand cord is not easily broken.

Yet further back, when I was 18 (and 19), I was apart of a ministry / program known then as Master’s Commission. It’s a 10 month intensive discipleship program where you live with a home-opener, akin to a foreign exchange student, and dedicate yourself to full time ministry and full time bible college. During that time, due to the rigorous schedule, ample accountability, and continuous bible study and prayer, the pornography addiction came right off, and, stayed off till about 6 months after I left partway into my 2nd year (that’s another story about leaving partway through a year). The masturbation didn’t, (but, it dropped way down in frequency). However during that period after Master’s Commission I had a desert time if you will where I had lots of idle time and didn’t have accountability even though I was active in the church and in my word, I slipped back into pornography until I was 22...

I choose Christ when I was 17, through a series of events that shook my world. Although I had a very sudden complete repentance of video games, the pornography fight stayed with me much longer, and I wondered after some time if I’d ever be free of it.

And, at the beginning, at 15, it all started...

Couple points here I want to highlight for those either dealing with pornography or otherwise:

*Focus not on abstaining from sexual immortality, but on filling it with Christ, other things, focus on honoring God.

*You’re going to fall 7 times as proverbs says (which is symbolic of completion) yet the righteous rise again. That is to say, it took me 7 years to get it right, somewhat symbolic too frankly.

*Sin, even sexual sin, which for me was very convicting, is wrong, however Christ paid the payment for all our sins; keeping or not keeping commandments like adultery is not going to get you to heaven, or send you to hell; your faith in Christ in what he did on the cross to pay for all our sins, those sexual sins included, is what matters. Don’t buy the lie that there is no hope or that your performance determines your eternal destiny; this is another trying to fulfill the law instead of accepting Christ’s grace. Now, shall we sin that grace may abound? Absolutely not.

*Accountability is utterly key; don’t buy into the lie of lone ranger thinking on this one, even with my Master’s Commission background, active church community, Christian family I was living with and Biblical knowledge, I couldn’t win without it.

*Scripture verses and memorization is your (close) friend

*Sometimes the enemy really is after you, and you’ll get flashbacks or temptations out of nowhere, but, there’s plenty of temptation without any help. You’re not immune even if you’ve overcome it. For that matter, you can easily slip back into it if you’re not vigilant as I did, and it can ensnare you for a long time too, should that happen.

*Fasting, be it from food or otherwise, is essential as well as it’s both a spiritual act, but also an act of self-control. I find after fasting, I have a much stronger control over other things that require me to say no, be it monetary spending, or sexual gratification, this is a very linked subject.

Oh, about that title, temple prostitution was a big deal in the Biblical times, they didn’t have the internet back then, but, they had a sanctioned (culturally), prevalent, and easily accessible outlet themselves for sexual deviance back then. Today, it’s the internet in the form of pornography, another accepted, prevalent and easily acceptable sexual rebellion... As Solomon says there is nothing new under the sun. And, as Christ being fully God and man, He understands our struggles as He was a man too; he had to say no Himself to sexual gratification outside of God’s order. His life serves as the ultimate model for our living.

I thought I’d share my story, with some salient points, as my first entry on this site as it’s (highly) relevant and I wanted to honor God first, a first fruit offering and hopefully others can learn what I did, without taking 7 years (or longer)...